Editorial: Elmikey, the Lone Prophet, and His Doctrine of Salvation

In the history of Elmikey’s smear campaigns against CPA Central, we have kept painfully quiet previously, especially at the time of his idealistic New Dawn Alliance. However, after holding off for a week or two and hoping his campaign against reality would run out of fuel, I am now forced to respond to the prophet Elmikey. 

Throughout history, prophets have graced us. People sent from the heavens to teach us, and show us the good way of life. These people, while they live among us as humans, are something more. They are godsend. They speak the living word of the Spirit in the Sky, and teach us how to live and treat others. Many religions, gatherings, and factions throughout the world have long-awaited the arrival of a modern prophet; one who would lead us like sheep as in the old days.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I give you the prophet from Florida — Elmikey!

Since his appearance in this community last May, Elmikey has been solely responsible for every good thing to happen in this community. He has led a campaign against a secret warfare Illuminati, which must have been successfully destroyed, because I don’t see signs of it anywhere (ask Snaily for confirmation though). Elmikey was thrust onto the stage of the warfare community when he led the Rebel Penguin Federation to 19-month record sizes, and, as all sensible army leaders and prophets would do, continued to embellish his actual sizes heavily, at some points in time claiming 200+.

That number, however, cowers in comparison to the number of recruits Elmikey could be getting as he spent hours on end trying to secure RPF’s success. A kind soul from the Nachos, last year, pitied the condition of the lone prophet and was kind enough to mail him adult briefs, which only assisted Elmikey in his grand campaign to unseat the establishment and spread the word of, well, himself.

Throughout his time in the Rebel Penguin Federation, Elmikey expressed some unnerving behavior. In August of 2013, he blamed army media — specifically CPA Central — for not getting him 1000 recruits a month. Throughout the rest of 2013, he launched numerous public relations campaigns against CPAC, claiming us, along with the Nachos, Light Troops, and whoever else Elmikey was mad at that week were solely responsible for the destruction of Club Penguin Warfare. After leading the New Dawn Alliance campaign against CPA Central, Elmikey’s solution is to claim he was “used and abused” and seek out a position in a new army.

In the same way Elijah wandered through the desert, Elmikey wandered from army to army, causing issues in the Doritos and the Army of Club Penguin until finally taking refuge in the Dark Warriors. Lucky for us, however, Elmikey’s denial of reality was not left behind at the Rebel Penguin Federation (though the army still exhibits significant signs of that behavior), but traveled with him to the Dark Warriors. Though I thought Elmikey was finally done with his smear campaigns against CPA Central — all five or six of them have produced absolutely zero results — he has been the kingpin of yet another campaign in the past few weeks.

I’m happy to see Elmikey angling for us to make him the President of Club Penguin Warfare (after all, that’s what leaving him in control of a congregation of army leaders would do), because that idea is absolutely fantastic and I don’t know why it hasn’t been suggested it before. Despite claiming he “Fights the Good Fight”, which includes but is not limited to a.) ending cyberbullying, b.) fighting for what’s right, and c.) standing up against mistreatment, the prophet from Florida is one of the number one cyberbullies in the community.

No, Waterkid100 is far from the greatest guy in the world, but he’s not diseased for being against you, Elmikey. Secondly, everyone to ever disagree with you is not an “evil fuck,” and despite your stunning superiority complex, debate is the structure of politics. Another contradictory statement in Elmikey’s “Fight the Good Fight” mentality is d.) making CP Armies actually CP Armies. I’m not sure what you and I were playing before May 2013, since it is clear we weren’t CP Armies (Webkinz?) before Elmikey got here. I’m glad Elmikey came back, because if he hadn’t you might not be aware that I am a “degrading individual as low as Waterkid,” as well as “twisted.” Here’s why the campaign is wrong, and it all has to do with the prophet from Florida.

1. A stunning superiority complex.

Elmikey the Lone Prophet views himself as solely responsible for 50% of warfare’s recruits and, for lack of a better word, the reason they even exist. Likely because of extreme insecurity on the inside, Elmikey resorts to attacking all those who disagree with his ideals. While this isn’t a bad thing — again, it’s the root of debate — it is a bad thing when your attacks don’t make any sense. Alongside the Nachos, I have experienced, over the past year, Elmikey’s refusal to see that there are differing opinions, and that they are also correct, if not more correct, than his own. Elmikey views himself as the savior of Club Penguin Warfare, and he becomes extremely frustrated when people do not agree with him.

2. A struggling relationship with reality.

Elmikey’s number one enemy in this community is not me, it is not Puckley, it is not Waterkid, it is not any human being or any army — it is reality. Because his idealism makes so little sense, Elmikey results to the obvious path — pretending, either outwardly or in his mind (in which case that’s an even more disturbing problem) that it does make sense. It is statistically untrue that Elmikey brought 50% of armies’ recruits. It is factually disproven that a Club Penguin Illuminati ever existed, or that the Nachos ran it and exerted their dominance over army media using it. It is statistically false that without Elmikey, armies will live to 5% of their potential. In case you’ve forgotten (and for the record he probably has), there was a Golden Age in 2009 and Elmikey was nowhere to be seen.

3. A fear of intellect and differing opinions.

The entire reason Elmikey starts campaigns like this is because he fears powerful people who do not agree with his ways. Look, no one’s saying Elmikey didn’t help bring autotyping to prominence or lead the Dark Warriors and the Rebel Penguin Federation to great heights — he did all of those things. But, unfortunately, his admirable career isn’t good enough for him, so he has to undermine people. He has to question why people like Boomer 20 and Puckley are CP Army Legends; he has to attempt to destroy armies and organizations he views as a threat — he’s tried to get rid of the media some six times. Elmikey’s take on the situation is that if CPA Central reports twenty crazy things he did in a year, that it’s not his fault for doing said things, it’s CPAC’s fault for reporting it. I have a mandate — that mandate isn’t to rewrite army history, as much as Elmikey might want that.

4. A need to be the one and only definer.

I don’t know why people are confused and think CPAC are CP Armies. They’re not the head and life of the community, they’re just a thing that gives their opinion on who they think is the best army that week. Over the years armies have become lost and gone very off course. We should make CP Armies awesome and massively fun for all. Top army leaders such as Waterkid, and organizations like CPAC are against that. They’re twisted people that just want to chat and not go on CP. Well about 50% of the CP Army community are new recruits that joined thanks to me. I am going to give them what they want, and do my own thing. I have the power to do so, the only reason CPAC is relevant is because we are still following them. They cannot define what we are, because their definition of what CP Armies should be, is merely, some morons opinion. They are blind to see how great, fun, and massive CP Armies can be.

As can be gathered — and quite obviously — from the excerpt from the Dark Warriors site above, Elmikey is angry at the “definition” CPAC has created for CP Armies. Maybe this is part of the confusing “CP Armies weren’t CP Armies before the prophet got here” campaign which I still fail to understand, but let me note that for the record, no sole person defines what CP Armies are and aren’t. Elmikey, however, thinks he can. Since the great Elmikey has defined that CP Armies were nothing before he came, it is now so. Elmikey feels that his word is the lone truth — which is frighteningly like some higher power’s teaching, with the small complication that Elmikey is just a seventeen-year-old behind a computer.

5. A fear of progress as a community.

Elmikey may coin himself as the liberator and the one who will lead us to great heights, but in reality, he, not CPA Central, is the one holding us back. Every single time Elmikey gains respect in an army; every single time he leads something to great heights — he wants to push us back. No, Elmikey isn’t the only one who wants 2007 warfare back again. He is, however, the strongest and loudest voice fighting for it — so much so that he attempted to assemble a meeting of army leaders to make it happen, only for no one to show. While I understand the appeal of snowball warfare, has Elmikey ever considered that 2007 warfare may have been fun because he was ten, and not seventeen? We’re getting older — snowballs or formations, we’re going to find this boring once we get to fifteen or sixteen. It’s unfair for the lone prophet to say, as he gets older, that age has nothing to do with it.

6. Implementation of a tribal mentality in his armies.

A tribal mentality, for those of you who don’t know what it is, is an “us” against “them” attitude. It’s the idea that our tribe — our faction — is the lone voice towards liberation, and that all other competing tribes are wrong. It can be referenced as a root for most hate campaigns; it, on a smaller scale, is something we see in Elmikey’s Dark Warriors and Elmikey’s Rebel Penguin Federation. My colleague Wgfv outlined the malfunctioning RPF brainwash machine in a previous editorial, and this is a prime example of the behavior Elmikey instills in new recruits. Through campaigns against competing armies — and he competes with most at one time or another — he makes these new recruits, who are maybe nine years old, seriously hate those who they are fighting — that can be proved just by looking through CPAC’s comments, and it’s not healthy, especially not for little kids. Elmikey claims he wants to unite the community, but the tribal mentality he instills in the Dark Warriors is doing exactly the opposite — ripping CP Armies apart.

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I hope this is the first and only response to the Dark Warriors campaign against CPAC. I am fully aware most of their ownership does not share Elmikey’s beliefs, and most of the ownership was politely asked to tell Elmikey to calm down in hopes we would not have to respond. However, in light of this unending campaign that I know will only rise in intensity, I’ve been forced to show to you the true colors of the prophet from Florida. Now, I only ask you — do you really want to follow his doctrine? 

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CPA Central CEO