Editorial: The Blame Game & The Broken Automaton That is the ACP Ownership

All opinions in this post are mine and mine alone, that is why this post is an Editorial. While all opinions are welcome, I cannot guarantee their longevity in the comment area. Without further adieu, I encourage you to read on.

An automaton, for those of you who do not know, is basically an old-fashioned term for a robot. It is a self-functioning machine, whose many parts work together to form a well-oiled, functioning machine. Before, some real-world regimes have been compared to automatons. And, just like those, Club Penguin Army ownerships can be compared to the same. Now let’s look at the automaton that is the ACP ownership. It’s been rusted, broken, heck, I don’t know what the hell has happened to this thing.

We need some serious Hugo Cabret action around here.

We need some serious Hugo Cabret action around here.

Let’s talk about the ownership for a second. Everyone says Foldez is negative and unfit to lead the ACP. Tori, according to former 3ic Dj[insert long name here], admits defeat at too many events. Dj, according to a large portion of ACP, is a liar and, for lack of better words, a fag. Funks is extremely controversial, loved by some and hated by others; Swimmer is just plain inactive. Purple Slime needs much training while she may be positive and a great person, Superoo and Fluffyboy have never held a prominent position in a Top 5 army before, and Capncook retired after a large portion of controversy only last summer.

Interesting ownership, is it not?

Now the funny thing about all this is that all of the ACP Owners blame each other for ACP’s mistakes. They all call out one another as the broken parts of the automaton, while they’re equally as broken. The fact is, no owner here is more at fault than another. If anyone here isn’t at fault, it’s the newly appointed ones, but even they are at some fault. Funks isn’t the problem. Neither is Swimmerboy, or Tori, or Foldez, or Purple, or Capncook, or Fluffyboy, or Superoo. It’s the ACP itself. The ACP is screwing itself over.

Now that we’ve spoken generally, let’s talk about the recent issue here: the coup d’etat of Kingfunks4. I feel very strongly about this issue due to the fact that I was very much involved, and, since this is an editorial, I will not make any attempt to censor my views from you. From this point on — and, really, regarding the entire post — the discretion of viewers who tend to whine or complain about us here at CPAC, is advised.

You may ask — was this really all faked? Well, yes and no. The coup d’etat of Kingfunks4 that took place last night from 3EST until around 5EST was faked, planned by the ACP Ownership. But all of the events of two weeks leading up to that was not faked. I mean look, it’s pretty damn obvious the “two unnamed members of CPAC” were myself and Blue2. But this whole thing — and, maybe Swimmer didn’t intend to mean this, but nevertheless, he did — is demonizing the people who advised Swimmer, or Operation Black Parade.

Speaking for myself, I was approached by Swimmer about a week and a half ago asking for my opinion on reforming the ACP Ownership. The only other involvement I had with this coup was clarifying a rumor with Puckley that stated Nachos would end the war if Kingfunks4 was removed from power. Which, as the CEO of armies’ largest media giant, is my job. I deny any further involvement with the coup that took place last night. I was doing what I was asked to do, as were so many others who have been demonized by this post of Swimmer’s, whether he intended to do so or not.

And, another thing that I can’t refrain from commenting on upon making this post.

CPAC foolishly posts about this, lol what noobs.

This quote above was taken from the post made by Capncook, which has since been deleted. Can I just say, what else would you expect me to be doing? Do you know what I do? I report the news. Do you know what this is? News. Do you know what that means? I should have, and am very proud of, the post that went out.

Here’s a batch of newly baked cookies to commerate your “AHA!” moment.

What I’m getting at here is that the blame as to what has happened can be thrown onto me, it can be thrown onto Capn for “trying to seize power”, it can be thrown onto Swimmer for obvious reasons, the only person it just about can’t be thrown on at this point is Funks, because, as much as Funks thinks I am a faggot and I am trying hard not to think the same of him, Funks is the only one who has actually been trying — and succeeding, thus somewhat proving said trying — to help the ACP. While he has made alot of, for lack of a better word, stupid choices, he’s been trying. That’s all we can ask.

Following the reinstatement of Funks, the ACP Ownership now has a cowardly decision, agreed on by  — wait for it — not one, but two of the ACP Leaders. This decision states that ACP is allowed to ignore any invasions scheduled by the Nachos because the treaty states there is a ceasefire until June 7, 2013.

Might I point out to you that term number three is that Funks is out of power? Unless you want to start nitpicking words — and even more pathetic way out of this — that is exactly what the treaty requires. Now, for those of you playing along at home — the same group who used to take a shot every time Lord Pain was overthrown…

-take a moment to be cleansed and forgiven by the great Lord Pain by typing his name in a post-

I’m going to ask you to play along with me one more time, though this time it will involve more work. I want you to upon up a new tab and type it acparmy.com/ranks-10/. Now, I want you to tell me the two names in the rank entitle “Supreme Commander”. Unless Helen Keller or one of her direct descendants are taking a look at this post, the answer you’ll come up with is that Funks is back in power. Which makes the treaty broken. Which makes the invasions scheduled by the Nachos completely, 100%, valid. The ACP Leaders have already been informed of this by multiple influential retirees, but still, Swimmer and Funks are barreling through hand-in-hand into this cowardly decision.


But as I sit here, something tells me that something about this is extremely gratifying. Not only has Swimmerboy stuck behind Funks — with a knife aimed at him once in a while, but who’s counting — but now, even as the ACP makes another decision that really, is just plain stupid — Swimmer and Funks walk side by side, willing to stand by each other, willing to defend each other, and that’s leadership.

So friends, another tale of the ACP ends. Funks did not end his ACP career like Margaret Thatcher, the very one he idolized — which would have been extremely ironic, had that happened — and the wicked witch is no longer dead. And whatever you think of what’s happened in the past two days — and feel free to think whatever you want, as there are more rumors going around than we can count at this point. I don’t regret anything, and I hope you don’t either, had you been involved with anything that has happened over the past two days. ACP is one again in the eyes of the media, and this time, I really can’t decide if it’s for a good reason or a bad reason.

But here’s to you, ACP. That you may survive in the weeks to come, and that the decisions your leaders make, no matter how incompetent, they will continue to make side by side. And that will go on and on and on and on until the day Lord Pain graces the stage of the ACP Leadership Convention.


CPA Central CEO

33 Responses



  2. Bias. ACP should’ve been 1st.


  3. Lord Pain for ACP Leader


  4. Awesome post.


  5. Very eloquent and cogent writing. And ACP is being foolish. If you’re going to try and pull a proverbial fast one on the Nachos, at least show remote sign of brain function in doing so. To blatantly put Funks back in power is basically a big “F*** YOU!” to the Nachos. Did they predict that the Nachos would keep there heads down and take it? If anything, ACP just created more grounds for war.


  6. So much for ACP defending freedom and preserving justice.


  7. As much as I hate both Funks and the ACP, don’t you think it was a bit unfair that Funks can never be leader of the ACP again even if he has reformed his retarded ways? The treaty never said anything about Funks not being able to be leader again. Anyway the ACP shall suffer like it deserves for its lies.
    I am all for Lord Pain as ACP Leader.


  8. Oh so now that Nachos are the top army of the shitty list of top 10, they have a right to force armies to remove their leaders and replace them with someone they see more suitable? Jesus christ all of CPA talked shit about how ACP has a huge ego yet the Nachos have it in their head they have the power to change any army however they want. I remember all we cared about was just logging on and throwing snowballs at each other and having fun. Not trying to destroy an army by forcing it to change. Your not America, you don’t run the world as you see it in your eyes. Get out.


    • ACP and IW did the same exact thing (without the Nachos approval) to remove Aka and Jay back in late 2009. The Nachos hated Funks before this whole debacle, this only raises it up a few notches.


  9. Negativeness EVERYWHERE


  10. Make an alliance of 1+ armies and kill Nachos


  11. As an ACP Owner, I am in 100% support of the actions of Kingfunks4. He is what glued the ACP Ownership together.


  12. Insightful post with good observation and analysis. Acp is a disgrace.


  13. I was in ACP during bobcatboys and mchappys leadership and this does explains the acp leadership. The troops are fine and just need more encouragement


  14. Pain for leader of everything.


  15. Firstly, what is with all this misconception about ACP ‘collapsing and dying’, when we are doing perfectly alright? Secondly, the veteran owners are the ones causing the problems in ACP- they defect and spend more time raging than encouraging(this does not apply to all veterans). Secondly, you don’t need to be a top 5 owner to be a good 3ic. How are the truly loyal soldiers who don’t join millions of armies ever going to get the position on the ranks they deserve when veterans just keep hopping in and stealing the owner positions for free? I see potential in soup, fluff and purp.


    • “perfectly alright”

      I lol’d

      you dont want me to bring up how ACP could pull off an easy 40 about a year/year and a half ago


      • That was a year ago, falling by about 15 soldiers during the week doesn’t mean we are doomed to die. We still have about 25 active troops in each division.


        • ACP hasn’t gotten 40 in about a year. That’s not doing perfectly alright. Your drops don’t take place on weekdays only, the sizes have simply never reached what they were.




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