Our Secret Police

Anybody remember me? My name’s Gordy. Once the second best philosopher on this site until our enigmatic friend Wonton outlawed philosophy, my career here has certainly been given a run for its money. I utterly despise army hopping, and therefore I have only ever been in one army consistently: the Ice Warriors. My rank does nothing to help my credibility.

I’m known for a variety of things, including my sense of humor, great posts, habit of trolling people on this site and on chats where idiots live, my extensive photobucket album filled with embarrassing pictures of nearly everyone, and my tendency to answer in extremely long sentences when I’m asked to tell people what I’m known for. Here’s me in a nutshell.

Moving on.

Have you ever gone to war with an enemy only to have the leader of the opposition say this?


And if ACP doesn’t show up? Then he’s an idiot, and in this post we will be going into great lengths as to why. To be more specific, why do these noobs always seem to have ACP on their side of the war, and why ACP?

I’d think the answer would be obvious, but you see, ACP is colloquially THE army of Club Penguin. They are the first option that shows up when you search “CP Army”. Therefore as noobs come and go, they all must know that there exists an ACP. And since anyone who knows that also probably knows that ACP is as large as my c—

And since anyone who acknowledges the existence of ACP also must know that ACP is truly the largest consistent army in the community, they are used in our culture as intimidation tools, a nuke, bringing a gun to the 2nd Street Fighter Tournament.


Why is this? Because throughout all of our feeble history, only one army has stood out to be the strongest, and that is ACP. What makes them so big? We’ll cover that some other time.

An [un]expected consequence of being almost always the biggest is that you become close to a celebrity in the community and yes, even in non-army Club Penguin culture.

Fortunately for us, we are talking about the ACP that we have come to know, love and hate, not the army that you probably just exposed yourself to in the picture link above. Anyways, the ACP has come to epitomize the peak of fictional penguin army power. The acronym ACP itself even signifies the coming or existence of a higher power. One that will destroy your army completely and violently.

This means that whenever ACP steps into a war, it usually always becomes, whaddayacallit, one-sided. Although most wars end with a truce (sigh), The army that didn’t have ACP on its side ends up a fair many servers less than what it had before the war. It’s no wonder why some consider ACP the police of armies: they can shut down fights whenever they can at the typing of a few words.


Which means, most people who make important bills and start secret groups are usually part of the administration of ACP, Shaboomboom for instance. For this reason, idiots have always found a way to criticize somebody’s bill of rules: accusations of bias.

But what better way to enforce the rules than to utterly destroy any army that breaks such rules? By way of ACP and/or CPAC, hunching over the bill, ready to kill or remove from the Top 10 any army that happens to invade a server within 23 hours and 59 minute notice. I’m exaggerating here. They wouldn’t do that.


One thing I noticed about the Anti Hacking Bill, however, is its punishment of permanent expulsion from the community. I can see how this is possible, because for one thing like 20 people signed that bill, so I guess that all the people who signed it weren’t allowed to let hackers into their army. But immediately declare war on an army who does so? Suddenly it’s not ACP who’s the police of CP armies anymore (it’s Shab).

Before you start saying that I condone hacking and all, I just think the punishments are little drastic, and without the right amount of cooperation, impossible to pull off at all.

In conclusion, It seems that ACP is now an icon of destruction among smaller armies, and the epitome of your local police force. Another consequence of being so big is that people start to hate you. Oh how fame comes back to bite your ass.

~War News has come home


17 Responses

  1. All pics of LT and ACP drawn by me 😀


  2. did u meant not to spell kingfunks right? anyway nice post


  3. Funks has a new name, ah well.


  4. Lovely post.


  5. Kingfuc*s can fuc* my ass.


  6. Signed
    Hahaha LOL


  7. I noticed that too!!!! Hahaha its funny cuz its true!!!


  8. Derp


  9. Return of the Philosopher, Please keep him this time!


  10. i hate cussing


  11. KingFu*ks wish he can Fu*k.


  12. guys. im going to warn u again. Light Troops r creating an alliance to kill ACP. And the Pirates r creating an allince to kill all small armies. i am not part of either of those armies. But a couple of small armies r creating a Protectors Alliance. get da word out


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